If you have ever read a report consisting of unnecessary terminology and overworked phrases, you will have wondered what the use of it is. It may be hard work for the reader to follow, but such a mountain of verbiage is certainly excellent practice for the shorthand writer*. I am using green ink because that is the colour of one's face once it has all been ploughed through (or at least* it feels like it) and it is also the colour of envy, when your shorthand is the fastest through all this extra practice!
* Omission phrase "short(hand) writer"
* Always insert the vowel, to differentiate it from "at last"
We hereby advise all our readers that there have been* a few changes in the information formerly given in previous articles issued. Although we have access to excellent forecasting facilities which can advise us on the likelihood of future trends in meteorological events, we have to report that some of the outer clothing that was cleaned, inspected and stored for the winter season was in fact unexpectedly brought out into use again. We apologise for any inconvenience this change of policy has brought about, and would assure readers that every effort was made to match clothing to the climate conditions at any one time*. It was unseasonably warm and we did not want our senior administrative* personnel to overheat merely due to a variation in the normal patterns of weather. The management are delighted to have these garment-related choices open to them, but would like to inform readers that they are not able to respond to any claims for injury or loss that this revised information may have caused.*
* Omission phrase "there (have) been" in order to gain a good join
* Halving used for the T "any wunt-ime"
* The R is omitted in "administ(r)ative" and derivatives
* "caused" written thus to differentiate it from "cost"
We also reported that landscaping operations were up to date* and completed, and that we were ready for the cessation of operations for the winter months, but the sudden arrival of three very small shrubs resulted in us having to temporarily suspend our usual policy in regard to* this. The operative concerned was rapidly called back to the job and the items of vegetation were installed into their allotted spaces as quickly as possible. We apologise for this disruption to normal procedures but at the same time are happy to report that the gaps in the landscaping surrounding the headquarters* frontage* are now filled satisfactorily, and we anticipate that growth in future years will meet and even exceed our expectations once again.*
* Omission phrases "up (to) date" and "in regard (to)"
* Alternative outline that omits the R "headqua(r)ters"
* "front edge" would not be phrased but have separate outlines
* Omission phrase "o(n)ce again"
Moving now to the situation regarding the rear of our premises, we are happy to report that maintenance operations are now complete and it only remains to tidy up those few items that arrive unexpectedly. All the consumables have been gathered and either stored or used up fairly quickly, and we are hopeful that next year's production will be much better. To this end we have pruned those parts of the fruit production facilities as seemed necessary to us, so that the remaining branches are as productive as possible, although more reshaping may be necessary next year. Future satisfactory growth in all areas will only occur with a corresponding improvement in meteorological conditions, which are of course outside of our control, but we assure readers that the management are putting every effort into investigating* ways to match our efforts to the changing conditions prevailing in these areas. We conclude our report with a few words from our shorthand reporter, who is fortunately well trained in concise writing.
* Omits the T "inves(t)igating"
"Dear Readers, Although I put away the summer clothes, it got warmer, so I had to get them out again, surprising but necessary. I finished tidying the garden, picking the fruit (which we have now eaten) and pruned some of the branches, so that is now all done for another year. The new apple trees are in, as well as some new small shrubs, so the display next year should be brilliant. It all depends on the weather we get, of course, but that is something we will work around." (642 words)